Bugs in My Brain

by Sad House Guest

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1.
Bugs in My Brain 04:02
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The bugs in my brain Are eating at me more each day And I want to write it down But I can't stop the words to explain I need a step by step to tell me how to relax I'm pacing back and forth My brain is longing for an axe to Split it down the middle where it's breaking at the seams Try to tell my heart that being is a little much for me It's a battle of a century that's just the way it seems Try to tell my heart bleeding is the way it oughta be Sitting is hard, fighting is dumb The world spins sideways, I can’t run The doorway’s open, the window’s closed The memory enters through my nose Responding out loud is harder than it sounds Sometimes I wish that I could keep my feet on the ground But I think about everything at once My brain will decide for me for fun Frightening distance, future kisses The sidewalk is too many colors What is this? Can I fix this? Does anyone see these colors? Math and music, money and love If I make too much than I kill the dove There’s a perfect balance, use your talents They say “Use that head” So I slam it on the bed again The bugs in my brain Are eating at me more each day I want to write it down But I can’t stop the words to explain These thoughts for a second should take up a day Every note’s a different person, every note’s a different color Every note’s a different reason to turn this chaos into splendor I listen better when I’m staring out the window Trees got leaves and people got problems I write better songs when I’m sad Isn’t that unfair? But I’m not unhappy I just use my emotion to not feel so bad About missing every word everyone said to me today Because my brain could not stand still It ran away from me again I must have forgot to pay attention to the present The bugs in my brain Are eating at me more each day I want to write it down But I can’t stop the words to explain These thoughts for a second should take up a day The bugs in my brain Are eating at me more each day I want to write it down But I can’t stop the words to explain These thoughts for a second should take up a day
2.
Master of Disguise 04:45
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If I was a caveman and you gave me fire I’d wander around here with too much desire Wondering which face to burn or to save Well it’s all on me now, darling, how to behave If you were a village and I was the liar I’d find that wolf quick and I’d hang him by trial Then after that day I’d squander the village Well if no dragon came, it’d be me left to pillage If you were a candle and I was a match I’d snuff you out often then I’d burn you up fast It’s all about oxygen, all about living Well it’s all on me now how to use what I’m given If I novel and you were the ink I’d open my pages, let you write what you think And I’d make the most of this beautiful world But if no one ever read it, I’d feel so unadorned So I’ll try to not tear apart what I’m given Am I talking to God or just talking to women If there was an apple in each of our eyes It’d be so hard to be a master of disguise If you were my jacket and I played a good show Could everything after be warm and be slow The music will come to me, clear up some empathy Call to me, love from me, hold me and run from me If you were my guitar and I was the banjo I’d play a little tune then I’d get up and go If I could never stop all these circles I live in Tell me oh Father, would I still be forgiven So I’ll try to not tear apart what I’m given Am I talking to God or just talking to women If there was an apple in each of our eyes It’d be so hard to be a master of disguise If I was the ocean and you were the seas If I could give back what’s been given to me If I was the fire and you were the flames Would I still ask for more, would I still change my name?
3.
Silhouettes 04:45
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There is much I’ll leave behind So I am going out my mind Hoping I won’t feel regret When all I see are silhouettes In front of me there are shapes and doors I’m sorry I won’t feel you more All my life I won’t regret When all I see are silhouettes As I drive this car away There is a sunset in my way I see sailors in the sky While they see me as a goodbye As I venture down this road I ponder every light I’ve known I feel life in both my hands As I weigh against the sands There is much I’ll leave behind So I am going out my mind Hoping I won’t feel regret When all I see are silhouettes In front of me there are shapes and doors I’m sorry I won’t feel you more All my life I won’t regret When all I see are silhouettes As the script unfolds again Past the tears, there is a pen Between my finger and my thumb Between solid ground and legs to run As I venture down this road I ponder what it means to grow I feel life in anything Once I start, I must begin Don’t tell me all your demons like the way I feel My shadow likes to dig me holes just to conceal Don’t tell me all your angels like the way I plead I carry every sun and whisper to each seed There is much I’ll leave behind So I am going out my mind Hoping I won’t feel regret When all I see are silhouettes In front of me there are shapes and doors I’m sorry I won’t feel you more All my life I won’t regret When all I see are silhouettes
4.
Little Thousand 04:17
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Have you ever seen so many cherry trees? Don’t run away from me Have you ever seen destruction in all your dreams Making it hard to breathe? Don’t you want to know what waits for us here at home? Believe me we gotta go Do you think I want this? To leave where we coexist Believe me this home I’ll always miss ‘Cause it’s all I have ever known It’s all we have ever known Have you ever seen so many cherry trees Without any summer leaves? Have you ever seen red on the golden fields? Take me away from here Dismiss all your denial, a warden should reconcile To save and to walk beside Do you think I want this? To leave a neverending bliss Believe me this home I’ll always miss ‘Cause it’s all I have ever known It’s all we have ever known
5.
Moscow Mules 05:32
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I’m going home for Christmas pretty soon And in the two days until then I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do I’m just trying to relax But everything so far this year has totally kicked my ass Chopin plays some chess with the choir A comic book and a manuscript litter the opposite corner Van Gogh and Monet on the wall I’m not quite sure who I would call When I’ve had too much to drink And I’m on the brink of my own existence Thinking just to think Pacing ‘round so that I can sink into another mistake I’m going home for Christmas pretty soon And in the two days until then maybe I’ll finally sleep in until noon But for now I’m just having a blast Everyone has gone to bed and if I stand up the world spins too fast Monet says to Van Gogh “What a stunning starry night” But Van Gogh cannot hear him, he’s tried to make himself all right They are both perpendicular to the hall I’m not quite sure who exactly I would call When I’ve had too much time to think And I’m on the brink of my own existence Drinking just to drink Pacing ‘round to that I can sink into another mistake I think that’s exactly just precisely what I’ll do Walk around the town until I think of something new Not just another mistake Or just give me a break

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released September 13, 2021

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Sad House Guest Eau Claire, Wisconsin

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